OFFICIAL MEMO FROM THE DESK OF THE CFO:
Listen, Groomer.
We need to discuss my shedding. You complain that my fur is on the sofa, the carpet, and your black t-shirts. You suggest a “Bath.”
Let me be clear: If you try to put me in a tub, I will scratch your name into the drywall.
I have authorized this Electric Mango Spa as the only acceptable alternative.
Why the Boss Approved This:
The Micro-Mist Sauna: It sprays a gentle mist. It feels like a tropical spa day, not a drowning attempt. It cleans me without getting me wet.
The Hair Magnet: The silicone bristles grab all the loose fur before it hits your floor. It creates a satisfying “pancake” of hair that you can peel off. Very satisfying.
The Massage Factor: It doesn’t scratch; it kneads. It feels like 100 tiny fingers worshipping my back.
Ergonomic for You: It is shaped like a mango. I don’t care about your comfort, but if it fits your hand better, you will brush me longer.
Your Orders:
Charge it via USB (I am electric now).
Fill it with water (or essence, if you are feeling fancy).
Turn on the mist.
Brush me until I fall asleep. Do not stop early.
mmsujon153@gmail.com –
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Acceptable Compromise.” “The mist was warm. The bristles were soft. I did not bite the human once during the entire session. This is a new record. 5 stars.” — Mr. Neta, CFO