OFFICIAL MEMO FROM THE DESK OF THE CFO:
Listen, Night Watchman.
You humans have terrible night vision. It is pathetic. I like to sit in dark hallways and judge you. This frequently leads to you stepping on my tail and me screaming.
I have authorized this Radium Glow Collar to upgrade your situational awareness.
Why the Boss Approved This:
Noctilucence Technology: That is a fancy word on the package. It means “I glow.” I look like a radioactive ghost floating down the hallway. It is very intimidating.
The “Cute” Decoy: It comes with a charm that looks like a cartoon cat. This lowers your guard. You say, “Aww, cute,” while I plot your demise.
The Paw Print Pattern: The strap features paw prints. A subtle reminder of who owns this house.
Audio Warning System: The attached bell ensures that even if you close your eyes, you can hear my approach.
Your Orders:
Expose the collar to light during the day (charge my batteries).
Strap it on my neck.
Turn off the lights and admire my floating green head.
mmsujon153@gmail.com –
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “I Am A Star.” “The human woke up at 2 AM and screamed because they saw a floating green ring in the kitchen. It was just me eating. Very funny. 5 stars.” — Mr. Neta, CFO