OFFICIAL MEMO FROM THE DESK OF THE CFO:
Listen, Washer.
We all know I despise water. But if you insist on ruining my day with a bath, you will do it correctly. Using your bare hands is inefficient. Using a rag is insulting.
I have authorized this Vibration Scrubber because if I must be wet, I demand to be massaged.
Why the Boss Approved This:
The “Purr” Simulator: It vibrates. It feels like a giant cat is purring on my back. This distracts me from the fact that I am wet and angry.
Soft-Touch Bristles: These silicone nubs are soft. They do not scratch; they knead my muscles. It is like 50 tiny fingers working out the stress of being this cute.
The Soap Silo: You put the shampoo inside the brush. This means you finish faster. Efficiency is key to my mercy.
The Grip Loop: I will be slippery. I will be squirming. This loop ensures you don’t drop the expensive equipment (or me).
Your Orders:
Fill it with my premium shampoo.
Turn on the vibration (Low setting for head, High setting for back).
Scrub in circles.
Do not miss a spot, or we start over.
mmsujon153@gmail.com –
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Acceptable Vibrations.” “I was planning to bite the human during the bath, but the vibration felt too good on my lower back. I fell asleep instead. 5 stars.” — Mr. Neta, CFO