Listen, Personnel Manager.
You wear a suit to work. I wear… The Bow.
I have authorized the deployment of these tactical collars because my authority is not being taken seriously enough. When I walk into the kitchen, I want you to feel like you are in the presence of royalty.
Why the Boss Demands This Asset:
The “CEO Badge” (The Bow Tie): Look at the polka dots. They scream “sophistication.” Wearing this makes me look like I am about to fire you, or perhaps audit the treat supply. It commands instant respect.
The “Royal Announcer” (The Bell): I do not like to sneak up on my staff (unless I am hunting you). This bell provides a polite “Jingle” to warn you that The Boss is approaching. Clear the hallway.
The “Escape Hatch” (Quick Release Buckle): If I get stuck on a tree branch while inspecting my perimeter, this buckle snaps open. My safety is paramount. The mission cannot continue if the Commander is stuck on a fence.
Color-Coded Rank: Available in Red, Blue, Pink, and Yellow. Buy them all so I can change my uniform depending on my mood (Red for “Angry,” Blue for “Sleepy”).
Your Orders:
Adjust the strap so it is snug but allows two fingers to fit (do not choke the CEO).
Fasten the buckle until it clicks.
Take a photo immediately.
Do not laugh. I am serious.
Mr. Neta (CFO) –
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “I feel important.” “I put this on and the dog immediately looked away. The bell is loud enough to wake the human at 4:00 AM. Excellent functionality.” — Mr. Neta, CFO