Listen, Hooman.
You have your coffee. I have… The Green Stuff.
I have authorized the installation of this device because I require a “Recreational Station” in the hallway. I am tired of chasing catnip across the floor like a commoner. I want my euphoria delivered vertically, efficiently, and without effort.
Why the Boss Demands This Asset:
Vertical Dining (Wall Mountable): It sticks to the wall. This is crucial. It means I can get my fix while standing, sitting, or stretching. It is ergonomics for the addicted.
Infinite Rotation (360° Spin): The ball spins when I lick it. It is the wheel of fortune, and the prize is always “feeling funny.”
The “Freshness Vault” (Plastic Cover): See that clear lid? It keeps the flavor locked in when I am not using it. It also prevents the dog from stealing a lick. (If the dog touches this, he is fired).
100% Natural Potency: This is high-grade material. One lick and I will forget that you were late with dinner. Ten licks and I might actually let you pet my belly.
Your Orders:
Peel the sticker.
Stick it to a clean surface (Wall, Table leg, or Fridge).
CRITICAL: Stick it at my height. If I have to jump to reach my relaxation, I will bite your ankles.
Remove the cap when I look stressed.
Mr. Neta (CFO) –
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “I can smell colors.” “I licked the wall for 20 minutes. Then I ran around the house at Mach 10 speed. Then I slept for a day. Best Tuesday ever.” — Mr. Neta, CFO